I wanted to start this blog with thanking you for following my journey back to Life…a new life actually. It is hard to believe that I feel the way I do today. Present, aware, content with many things and everything else I simply accept. I feel like a new person, even though I am eating very little today—my lowest carb day. Interestingly, I am not ravenous like I used to be. And when I do feel hunger, it’s fleeting. I simply refocus on what I have to do next and the craving subsides. Maybe acceptance of the entire situation and settling for no less than a strong finish helps curb the deep hunger of the past. There are no words to express how grateful I am to feel this way.
The only thing that bothers me a bit is that I have done nothing to make my place a home since I relocated to Florida. I need to buy furniture and get “settled” in, but it simply isn’t a priority. I moved here in the middle of contest prep, and I’ve decided that I can deal with that after my show. I don’t want to make more financial decisions, especially if I am tired. So, as long as my home is clean, I am training and I have my meals, I can live with very little in a material sense. I have decided to let go of the need for everything to be finished and accept that it will be taken care of in March.
Since writing in my previous blog #15 Faith or Fear, my weight just keeps coming off. I will, without question, be ready. Just that simple “knowing” from within changes the dynamic of my entire life. Casting fear aside allows me to focus on my tasks and complete them. Seems pretty simple, but for me, it’s simply priceless, especially since every previous show I have always been worried about being ready on time.
Of course, it feels very nice to hear positive feedback about the changes others see in me, but there is a distinct difference between needing external validation and simply knowing from within. I would undoubtedly call that success, because it is something that has eluded me. I couldn’t find a way to have that sense of comfort that came solely from myself. Believe me, I have tried a million ways to find that peace, but I have never had a relationship with God that I felt was genuine or had permanence until now. And focusing on this new faith has, in turn, given me the faith in myself. Maybe that was the missing link, but that is the only difference: an earnest daily attempt at religious growth in addition to personal development.
Basically, I am working towards a better life that includes many factors to bring about peace and happiness. I don’t promote any particular religion. I am simply looking for the ways to bring my life meaning—all of which is ever changing. If I do something every day to connect to the better part of myself, as I am doing now, the result is that I am calmer and happier than ever and all consistently feels OK. “OK” is fine by me at a time when I would normally be quite stressed with less than 5 weeks to go until a show. Success.
Well, they are happening daily. Physically, I am changing a lot and fast. Today I weigh 131 lbs, and probably lost 2-3 lbs this past week. When this blog comes out, I might weigh less. I am very thrilled by the returned shape and added muscle, and I am now focusing on the details and my symmetry each and every day.
Here are a few pics from today. I still have over a month to go…but I am not slowing down anytime soon.
I can see the end of this Journey…and I am feeling the Strength. One day at a time. Have a great week!